Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
