I don't usually arrange sex via text message
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
