Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
