I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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