He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
