Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
