How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
