One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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