I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
