the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
