We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
