Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
