There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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