Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
