If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
