so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
We need to rekindle our bromance
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
