You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it's like iHOP with fire
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
