Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
