I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
