I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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