dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
