haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
