Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
