I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
