im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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