Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
