how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
