Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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