im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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