I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't deserve a penis
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
