We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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