Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
