i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
