Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
