He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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