How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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