True but thats because hes a fetus.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
