Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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