my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
