I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
