I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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