I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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