If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize
