Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
