It was confusing and full of hummus
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
