How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
