We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
We don't watch enough power rangers
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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