now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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