So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I need a burrito and a hug.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I deserve this hangover.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
