When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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