let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
