did you get engaged???
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
