I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
